I find it's useful to apologize if only to restore my own sense of decency, and only if I truly feel sorry.
But also it is important for me, for my own growth and mental health, to examine the circumstances: what led to me getting out of control?
Was I already: Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired?
Was I pushed beyond my capacity to cope because of someone's absolutely unacceptable outrageous behavior? Feeling unappreciated? Abused? Taken advantage of? Anger is often justified! It's what we choose to do with it that usually gets us in trouble.
I agree with transform - just try to not engage on any level with him. Leave the room. Say "hunh" or "oh" or "I see." and walk away.
i know i cant fix him, but i want him to think about it. if he is not an alcoholic, i want him to be afraid to be one.
Maybe stop wanting!! Your expectations and your imagination about what he is thinking about is just going to make you super nuts! It is. I know because before AlAnon I used to obsess about those things too in relation to my Abros.
Give up all attempts and beliefs in your influence!! That way lies madness!
Peace and forgive yourself -
B