Steve
I think most people have some element of damaging circumstances in their past. We can't change the past though and we don't have to let it define us either. That's one thing that is so wonderful in this life......we can change ourselves.......we can impact our present and future.
If you have insurance and it covers counselling, have you considered going to see a therapist? I see a therapist to help me wrestle with my issues. My therapist helps me realign my thinking and it helps to keep me grounded. Just a thought......
We all deserve (this includes you) to be in a healthy relationship.
gentle hugs