(((Steve))) - I actually grew up in, what I consider, a normal family. I think I was BORN a codie. My first relationship (20+ years) firmly cemented even more codie issues. After 2 MORE XABF's, I've decided to take a break. I'm working on learning to love myself, to believe that I deserve a partner who ENHANCES my life....not one who drains me dry.
I don't feel I'm quite there, yet, despite working on this for 3-1/2 years, but I'm working on it. To be honest, I don't really have time for a relationship with 2-3 jobs and about to enter school. I still seem to attract the "bad boys", so I know there is still some work to be done.
When we feel good about ourselves, we attract people who value that. I'm not saying it's going to take YOU as long as it's taken me, and I wish I had the money for a counselor, as I think that would help a lot.
I can only attest to the fact that when we don't love ourselves, really, really love ourselves, and feel confident, we continue to attract "wounded souls".
You've dabbled in addiction, and that's not good. I did the same, then became a full-blown crackhead, all because of a relationship I was in, and feeling horrible about myself.
I really think you could benefit from counseling, al-anon, or even EAP if your company offers it. We keep telling you the same stuff, over and over, but it just doesn't seem to be "clicking" with you. I'm not saying you're beyond help, I'm just recommending you get some f2f help. You don't have to go through life feeling the way you do. Too many people, here, have been where you are and are now leading very happy lives. It's there for you, too, but you've got to take the steps to get there.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy