steve1840

most of you probably know my story by now. my agf has decided to go back to her life onthe streets. she said she isnt ready to stop and returned right back to doing hte things she does for money. i love her dearly, but have began to understand detachment. i just dont know how to handle this. the right thing feels to tell her, we can not be involved together until you seek rehab. the other part feels that i am abandoning her from the one person from the outside she still has. she told me recently that if it werent for me, she'd be totally lost and not even want to try getting clean.

i have never judged her for what she has done. i hold no resentment. and i have forgiven her for the past and even now. the thing is, what kind of man would i be to stand by and let her do those things? i don't want to be some wimpy spinless tool. most men would have been out the day she returned to the streets. its been just three days and i do not think i can continue this way. but, again, i feel if i give that ultimatum that it wont do any good and she'll continue to use and just get used to me not being in her life. my rational, however faulty it may be, is that if i stay in her life she has a reminder of what she can have. i have read acouple posts about people who get clean acyually resenting their enablers. just by keeping her in my life am i enabling? by letting her do what she is doing and saying that i will be there am i enabling?

the thing of it is, i dont know if i have the strength to walk away, as i said, i feel like i am abandoning her.

did i already lose her respect by trying for the past two months and enabling by letting her use? did i losse her respect by not putting my foot down already about her being back out there "working?" i cannot share her with the drugs or johns. she tells me nice things, but i cannot get past this. it is not that i am judging her, its just that i cannot stand by her side as she does this.

thoughts please