Steve
I do understand the pain you are in. I would venture to say that everyone here understands your pain and we wish we didn't. You seem like such a kind, loving and generous person. You are the kind of person that most people would love to have as a significant other. And in a normal, healthy situation, the kindness, love and generosity you give would be returned tenfold. There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with embracing and sharing those wonderful traits with another human being.
That is....until you throw in one thing.....drugs.
Loving an addict is the hardest thing you will ever do. An addict will tell you anything they think you want to hear. They are masters at manipulation. They can cry on cue. They will tell you what an awful life they had and how no one (except you) understands them. They literally prey on our goodness.
It seems so very simple. The addict needs to stop taking drugs. They need to get into treatment. What's the big deal? Just do it. But they won't. So we try harder to help them see that it's all they need to do. We give them money because they haven't eaten in days. They will actually choose DRUGS over FOOD! What on earth is wrong with them? We give them shelter so that they can sleep in a warm environment. And then they DISAPPEAR. Why would they leave a warm bed and disappear for days, weeks or months? Everything that is intuitive to us to help someone doesn't help them. WHY??????
There have been experiments with rats. Once the scientists get the critter hooked on drugs. They present them with equal opportunities for food or for the drug. The rats will choose drugs over the food. The drug actually overrides the rats natural instincts for survival.
Addicts aren't doing the things they do to be purposefully mean. They aren't stupid. Their brain chemistry gets messed up. But we continue to treat them as though they don't have messed up brain chemistry. The "right" way to deal with a drug addict goes against every fiber of our being. It's really messed up.
I am so very sorry that you are dealing with addiction. If you are going to stick it out with her, be prepared for a very bumpy ride. No one NO ONE can tell someone what it's like to love an addict--it's one of those "you won't understand until you've experienced it" kind of things.
Just don't let it take you under. If you jump in to save a drowning person and they fight you, you have a choice.......hold on and drown with them.......or let them go and save yourself. If it gets to the point that you think you are going down with her too......let go.
gentle hugs