I would have had a hard time with this topic in the past.
The year I started drinking was the same year I decided I was atheist. I had a friend (still do) who discussed God with me during a long walk. She had known me to be someone devout prior to this. She told me God meant to her "someone out there who is on your side." I rejected that statement and carried it with me for the better part of 20 years or a little more.
Sometimes I compare my drinking years to being in a sleeping state - an unsettled one - for years on end. With some time after I quit drinking, when I would think about what I really felt and read through here and study the question, among many others, I came to realize that I do believe in God after all. It's not like the God and Jesus and Holy Spirit that I grew up with and comprehend intellectually, although I suppose those things could be connected. For me, it's what I feel and don't really know what to name. I don't think of it in terms of someone I can rely on to look out for me, but something I am connected to and can help myself with. When I let go of a style of thinking that isn't going to be good for me on any given day (because I associate it with what fuelled my drinking) , I think of that as tapping into God. There's a freedom to it, a notion I can carry on. That's about as well as I understand it at this point.