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41 days and struggling with spirituality

Old 09-12-2010, 12:21 PM
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41 days and struggling with spirituality

It's not that I don't have a relationship with God, it's just that I don't feel his presence as intensely as I used to, and it makes me wonder sometimes if he is there. I am a believer, trying different faiths on for size, but generally I just have my own beliefs. In short I believe that God is omnipresent, a part of everything. I also believe that God hears all prayers, regardless of who is saying them or what higher power they are praying to. Back when I was first trying to get clean (march and april) I would feel God's presence when I prayed. However that did not keep me clean. I am looking for something deeper. I struggle with the idea that God can restore me to sanity. Sometimes I feel too insane for anything to be done about it. I guess I am sort of rambling, but I am asking-- How did you find a working relationship with your higher power, and how do you feel its presence in your life?
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Old 09-12-2010, 01:05 PM
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This is a really good post!

I knew that I could not recover without connecting with my spiritual self. I had given up on god, years and years ago, so I had to figure out a way to make it work for me.

For me, I prefer to think in terms of the Universe, rather than the word God, though I think it means the same to me. I feel more comfortable using the word Universe because I can easily believe that I am part of the Universe. The easiest way for me to connect with my HP is to be outside, in nature. Then I can easily feel the presence of the Universe around me.

Eckhart Tolle says that simply focusing on breathing can bring us closer to our spirit, our inner self. I believe that the Universe/God is within me, in that quiet place within me, and all the answers are there. I just need to listen. Eckhart Tolle also says, that it is in the tiny space between the breaths where you find true stillness, that you can connect with your spiritual self.
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Old 09-12-2010, 01:23 PM
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Thanks Anna!

I am lucky enough to live out in the country, near the mountains. I too like being out in nature to reconnect with my higher power. I like that you call it the Universe, I guess I see it pretty much the same way, I just choose to call it God, though I don't relate to the 'big man in the sky' type of thinking. To me God has no body, no gender, just simply is.

I need to go hiking again, we have some beautiful trails around here in the mountains and I always feel more spiritual after a good hike.
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Old 09-12-2010, 01:26 PM
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I spent the latter part of last evening on my deck looking at the stars, the sky and imagining a picture of the round earth and that helped me to see that no matter what, something brought all of this to us and that in itself is power...imagine.
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Old 09-12-2010, 01:52 PM
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My post probably won't be as deep as other ones... . I thank God for giving me the inspiration and guidance for staying sober. When I pray I ask God to give strength to others that are want to stay / get sober.

There are times when I don't feel God's presence...some of those times I take deep breathe and ask for God to be there. Those times may be when I'm in my room praying...or outside looking at the sky.

Anyway...I guess my point is there are times I have asked for God to be with me, to help me, and I have felt Him there.

Thanks for the thread.
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Old 09-12-2010, 02:17 PM
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Hi Wings!
It's funny but, throughout my rather extended period of sobriety, which still continues, I never really felt that I was close to God. Maybe some of the fellowship might therefore call it a dry drunk but that name seems less and less appropriate as the years (22) go by and my happiness increases. On the other hand, about three years ago, just after I had turned 80 and when I was working on putting together some of the family history, I had a weird feeling that, even though I was alone in my bedroom, I wasn't really alone. There was somebody or something there with me. Maybe it was because I was going through my grandfather's old stuff, a man I was very fond of and who died when I was around 11 years old. I got a spooky feeling that he was watching me. And as the years have gone by this spooky feeling increases. Increasingly I sense that there is a whole spiritual world out there and that I was sent here for a purpose, a purpose which I am trying now to accomplish. I'll feel a little better about going when the time comes, since with all the help I have received, both from the spiritual realm and from the fellowship, I've finally managed to get some of the stuff I was meant to do done. I hope that I may be forgiven for having really screwed up in so many ways for so many years.
In conclusion, I'd like to say that I believe increasingly that there is a spiritual realm out there, that some folks can access it better and more often than others and that we can get a glimpse of it through certain works of true genius, as in poetry, painting and music. Also nature. I have seen certain mountains which have a distinctly nouminous quality. I collect these photographs and can share them with anyone who is interested. I don't pray mutch, at least in the conventional sense, but I do think about these things a lot. Also I believe that in some cases the spirits of people we have loved and who love us may still watch over us. Maybe it's not reincarnation when you die if you don't really die, except physically. You just continue to live as a spirit.

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Old 09-12-2010, 02:18 PM
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Thanks for this thread. I am just starting to re-connect to spirituality and trying to figure out what spirituality and 'god' is for me.

Throughout my life, my connection to spirituality has increased and decreased. I assume that might be normal (whatever normal is). Also, sometimes when I lose connection to something, I re-connect to it in a much deeper way.

I also connect to nature and the universe. That is my deepest sense of spirituality. I also do aikido (martial art) which emphasizes connection to all beings and protection of all beings. I think that parallels my own sense of spirituality. Aikido tends to emphasize center, grounding, connection, and spaciousness; I have even considered using spaciousness as a 'higher power'. Spaciousness means a lot to me.

I really don't like the term 'higher' power. Because my sense of spirituality is horizontal, not vertical- not a hierarchy. I don't see 'god' as above humans, but part of. Like a big spacious container for everything.

My only concept of god is white light and peace. I tend to think there are multiple gods and goddesses if there is any god at all. It just makes sense to me that there would be multiple energies in the universe.

I go to several buddhist meditation centers. I am not quite buddhist but I am drawn to it. I love meditating. I also feel most connected to spirit/universe when I concentrate on my own center and grounding. (For me, center refers to the lower abdomen, and grounding refers to feeling connected with the earth.)
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Old 09-12-2010, 02:37 PM
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AWESOME thread!

I especially like wpainterw's post. I have had those same feelings. Before I quit drinking....I fought them, I think. Now, it is such a source of comfort.

Anna: I need to read Tolle. I like what you quoted.
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Old 09-12-2010, 03:13 PM
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I don't have a God/HP in my life. If I do, then I am unaware of it. There were times in my life where I was antagonist to a HP and times in my life when I belabored to find one, utilimately to no avail. Toady, I don't fight the concept of one nor do I actively seek a HP. It will happen, when it happens.

In the meantime, I still have to work a spiritual program. To me, spirituality is a personal, inward journey to discover the essence of my being through meditation and contemplation. It leads to personal growth along with a deeper awareness and reverence for myself, others, my community, and nature as a whole. Its a connection with deeper emotions that may bring about a profound experience and that psychic change that Dr. Silkworth talked about ("Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change")

Even though Steps 4-9 talk about God, they are essentially a personal journey inward. By doing them, you will be on the way to discover the essence of your being. You cannot be happy, joyous and free with a dirty house. Some people may have to rely upon God or a HP and that is understandable. Nonetheless, I believe that spirituality is in inward journey. It is introspection that requires honesty.

However, my spirituality begins with a simple question, "Do I love myself enough today to not kill myself?" I am not talking about suicide. I am talking about the slow, painful death that I bring upon myself with the first drink. Barring any accidents, it will be a slow, painful death. I am grateful that I don't want to slowly kill myself today. That is the bedrock of my spirituality.

In my own opinion, there is nothing more spiritual than an addict/alcoholic who stops standing in front of a fan and hurling their own **** at it. Once you move away from the fan and turn it off, you taking a huge step towards sanity. There are other things you may need to do, but that is the most important step.
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Old 09-12-2010, 05:14 PM
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Originally Posted by Antiderivative View Post
In my own opinion, there is nothing more spiritual than an addict/alcoholic who stops standing in front of a fan and hurling their own **** at it. Once you move away from the fan and turn it off, you taking a huge step towards sanity. There are other things you may need to do, but that is the most important step.
VERY well said...I have never heard it put that way.

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Old 09-12-2010, 09:45 PM
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I agree with Antiderivative that a spiritual journey is an inward journey. "Know thyself" said the Greek philosophers. This takes years of introspection and complete honesty. A long path upward on the mountain and there are many paths. And what is the end of the journey? It is written that "The Kingdom of God is within you...." At the end, understanding, forgiveness, wisdom and happiness.
Why does each new generation have to learn these things? Is it wise for the young to view the experience of those who have gone before unreliable and worthy only of suspicion? Must each new generation be fated to reinvent the wheel?

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Last edited by wpainterw; 09-12-2010 at 09:46 PM. Reason: typo
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Old 09-13-2010, 07:20 AM
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i don't know if you're working a 12 step program but this saying applies i think.

We came.
We came to.
We came to believe.

i don't believe in the judeo-christian external god concept, but i have my own concept that is working in my life, and it's taken time to understand it and it's also ever changing. but basically the power greater than myself are spiritual principles and the law of cause and effect, or karma.
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Old 09-13-2010, 07:28 AM
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Originally Posted by Antiderivative View Post
However, my spirituality begins with a simple question, "Do I love myself enough today to not kill myself?" .
Sort of similarly, my own question is always, "what would love do?"

blessings
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Old 09-13-2010, 07:43 AM
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Maybe that's it.

God is Love.

We all know what Love feels like...tap into that, that is God.

:-D
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Old 09-14-2010, 01:32 AM
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Wow, what an awesome topic. And a lot of very thoughtful answers. I have never "felt" God in a church. But out on a weekend hike with the Boy Scouts, God surrounded me from every direction. My family are in Northern Arizona, and when I go and visit, I like to take a few hours and go to Sedona and take a short hike. It is such a powerful spiritual area, I feel like I'm glowing when I get back to Mom's house.

I think that Oak and Antiderivitave sum up how I feel pretty well. I'm not really into any one religion, I guess Christian. But this topic has certainly opened my eyes and I may just need to work on the inside.
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Old 09-16-2010, 08:01 AM
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What a lovely thread Onewithwings.

Maybe I could share an experience with you from last year. I was walking every day for miles and miles as a distraction from thoughts of alcohol after first quitting. These were often laps of the city but on Sundays I would drive out to the Cotswolds countryside. I have several books of long circular walks that take you high into the hills.

Two months to the day after quitting drinking with the constant misery that it entails, I topped a forested hill and all of a sudden emerged into an open glade. There was a babbling brook across the trail illuminated by a bright shaft of sunlight. As I crossed it I suddenly thought - my goodness that's beautiful. The first surge of happiness out of the blue.

Was my this a sign from my HP or a clue that nature might well be my HP. I don't know but I remember it vividly to this day. I hope I can get back to that state of mind very soon. Hang in there and good luck!
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Old 09-16-2010, 08:32 AM
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I was raised in a church going family and went to a church school and although I always believed in God I did not FEEL God in my life until I overdosed 3 yrs ago. Medically I probably should have died, I took enough pills and alcohol to kill a much larger person and I layed un-conscious and alone in my home for around 36 hours. No one came looking for me nor called but some 'thing' woke me up and I was able to call 911 and obviously I survived. I believe God woke me up. Since then I have been very aware of God's presence in my life and felt the presence at certain times more than others. After I recovered I decided to read the bible cover to cover as I'd never done that, it took me about 4 months and it reinforced everything I'd ever felt, it played and continues to play a huge role in my recovery.
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Old 09-16-2010, 08:36 AM
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One --

I didn't read the other responses, so I apologize if I repeat. . .

i have always believed in God. I have never really been a religious person, though. Can never find one that fits and enriches my relationship. If anything, i feel it dampens my relationship with God because I don't feel I can quite believe the "right" way.

anyway, my faith has always been strong. I had an experience 11 years ago when I not only felt the presence of God with me. . .i know it was real, it was tangible, it was amazing, as if there were an actual being with me. It is undescribable. It lasted for several days, as it had to for me to survive where i was. when i finally got to a place that i no longer needed that very intense Presence and protection, it was gone.

At first, I was very lonely (I was alone out in the woods -- lost up in Alaska for 12 days). I was cold, hungry, cut up, tired, thirsty. .. but up until that point, i had that Presence with me. But i had to realize that the intense feeling cannot last forever. It is there when we most need it. However, god never leaves us.

It is up to us to nurture the relationship and keep our faith. It is up to us to make sure we are watching and listening. .. because God is all around us, always. When we are not feeling that incredibly intense presence, it is because we are not in a place that we need that to survive at the time.

I hope that makes some sense!
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Old 09-16-2010, 03:05 PM
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This is a great thread. I really started to ponder my own spirituality because of it.

"Religion" is pretty easy to talk about and define for me. Catholic, church going, believing in God, in the Judeo-Christian definition. I do feel Him in my life, sometimes more closely than others, but I know He's always there.

But spirituality? The essence of who I am? WOW. I drank for most of my adult life, so being sober is also a growing up and a getting to know myself plainly, without any addictions - no drinking, no excessive/useless worrying. I feel like every day that I am sober (coming up on three years next month) a little piece of the armor that I built around my soul, my heart, my essence every time I got drunk falls away. The armor protected me from my emotions, but it also smothered them, and nearly me. I feel like the longer I stay sober, the more I grow into the person I was born to be, the more "chinks in the armor", soon the armor will fall away completely, and all that will be left is me. Clean and sober me. My spirit, my soul, sings on the journey to that day. The building momentum - that's my spirituality, that is my God in my life.
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Old 09-16-2010, 07:20 PM
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I would have had a hard time with this topic in the past.

The year I started drinking was the same year I decided I was atheist. I had a friend (still do) who discussed God with me during a long walk. She had known me to be someone devout prior to this. She told me God meant to her "someone out there who is on your side." I rejected that statement and carried it with me for the better part of 20 years or a little more.

Sometimes I compare my drinking years to being in a sleeping state - an unsettled one - for years on end. With some time after I quit drinking, when I would think about what I really felt and read through here and study the question, among many others, I came to realize that I do believe in God after all. It's not like the God and Jesus and Holy Spirit that I grew up with and comprehend intellectually, although I suppose those things could be connected. For me, it's what I feel and don't really know what to name. I don't think of it in terms of someone I can rely on to look out for me, but something I am connected to and can help myself with. When I let go of a style of thinking that isn't going to be good for me on any given day (because I associate it with what fuelled my drinking) , I think of that as tapping into God. There's a freedom to it, a notion I can carry on. That's about as well as I understand it at this point.
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