I can't relate to your "friends", but it seems that you should distance yourself from them if they are verbally abusive and not supportive of your recovery.
However, I can relate to your description of walking around with a mixed bag of emotions along with internal struggles. I had those same experiences when I was drinking and drugging. I would wake up filled with guilt, remorse, and self-loathing and carry it around with me. I would have arguments in my head.
My feeling would be all over the place. Therefore, my thoughts would be all over the place. I would have very fractured thoughts and sometimes catch myself speaking out loud to myself. I was so self-absorbed and consumed by my thoughts and emotions.
If you try AA, you will realize that it is also a program that helps you "clean your house" (i.e. to get rid of those mixed emotions and negative thoughts). It is going to take some effort and time, but your work will be well rewarded. There is no need to carry around that sort of baggage in your life. When you are carrying around all those emotions in clogs you and fill you up, leaving no room for good emotions and positive thinking.