Knowing what I am helps me so much...
I was sitting in my car today at work eating my sandwiches as I do everyday and I was just smiling to myself thinking how great it is that I know that I'm an alcoholic and a drug addict. I'm fine with that and I just love the hit of warm serenity that washes over me when that acceptance just feels right. It's a great feeling and I love it!
It's like my recovery reveals more to me over time and I will have these great warm feelings of what I guess is serenity. Like I deliberately don't join in with people when they're talking about drugs or booze as I am aware that my alkie and addict mind would love me to get involved. The sense of empowerment of knowing and accepting that I'm an alcoholic and an addict is fantastic.
I find that when my mood goes a little lower and I am not feeling so good then I use my recovery tools and I just carry on without really thinking too much about it. One day at a time and just for today helps me so much. Then when my mood picks up again I suddenly get a really great hit of clarity and peace of mind and it feels fantastic.
I ain't saying this to gloat or anything. It really isn't an egotistical feeling or anything like that but rather just a chilled out contentment of knowing that I'm on the right path. I guess recovery gives a real sense of achievement and pride, quite the opposite to drinking and drugging, which just made me feel worthless.
My thinking is so different to how it used to be and that can only happen because alcohol is no longer a part of my life. When I was drinking I was so far away from being content with living in the present moment it was untrue. No sooner as I was in work then I would be thinking about finishing work to get wasted, bearing in mind I was a weekend warrior binge drinker, then I would be planning days ahead! Even months ahead when I was planning a week long drinking and drugging binge (alone) for my holiday! I was so mentally unstable it's untrue!
I am so grateful to be sober and so grateful to be a recovering alcoholic. Stick with sobriety and recovery. It may be hard at times and very painful but it's so worth it! I had faith that those before me were telling the truth, and they were!
Peace