Welcome to the family! You are not pathetic - you came here seeking help because you know you can't go on like you have been. Truly pathetic people never see the light.
I wish I could be 25 again and know what you know. I went on to try and manage my drinking. I drank for over 25 yrs. and almost destroyed myself. My life was chaos - and I wasted so much of it being numb. You have chance to turn everything around and have the beautiful life you were meant to have. Be proud of yourself for realizing that, and reaching out for help.
Knowing I wasn't alone made all the difference to me - I was welcomed here with alot of love and compassion - and in over 3 yrs. I've learned so much & grown strong with the help I've found here. We are happy to be sharing this journey with you. Let us know how you're doing.