I really do understand the grief and disappointment. There is a fine line between healthy attachment and obessive behavior.
Been there, done that. Don't you know that there was no doubt in my mind that I and I alone could save my exabf. Yepper, I was the one who could do what no other meer mortal could do, get him to stop drinking, doing drugs, porn and a whole bunch of other crap. I failed miserbly, all I accomplished was making myself a complete wreck.
This board and meetings turned me around, and, I did what I needed to do all along, let him go, let him find recovery, when he was ready. Sadly, 3 years later, he is still doing the same stuff, even going to prison didn't help, I doubt that he will ever embrace recovery, but, that is his problem to resolve, not mine.
Life with an addict can certainly be all consuming, I left friends go, I changed my whole lifestyle to accomodate the addict. It was a big mistake. I am now on tract, and intend to remain on track, forever.
Grieve, then get back up, dust yourself off and move forward with your life.