phineas

It's been a little over a month since I left my xagf, and I can't move on.
I'm reading Codependent no more, and going to Alanon, once a week, but I've been suffering from terrible depression since I left.
She was the love of my life, and I can't imagine my life without her. Even though when I was with her, I couldn't handle her drinking anymore.
She has been living with her parents in a different state, and she's been sober since her attempted suicide (about a month). I know I should sever all contact with her, but I just can't. I still talk to her, and I just can't seem to let go and move on.
I come home from work every day, sit in my little apartment and cry. I don't know if it's codependency or love, but I don't know how to go on living my life without her by my side.
I thought that once I left her I would feel relieved, but the relief never came. I never realized how much I love her until I was no longer with her. But the thought of getting back together and her drinking again scares me to death. I know I can never be around an active alcoholic again.

Thanks for reading. I'm going through a really hard time. She was the only person in the world I could talk about my feelings, and now I can't do that anymore, I just need some sort of an outlet.