so sorry to read this steve, please know your not alone. we all love our loved ones, we suffer as well. we all want the best for them. back in jan. my husband went into rehab crying on my shoulder,he was so ready, lasted 4 hours. it broke my heart. the pain for us is sometimes too much to bare.
last week in the hospital he cried once again for detox, yet he didnt go. we all share your grief, your loss, we each go through the same emotional pain because of addiction. But I have learned (from this forum) that they truly are the ones who want to get help, otherwise, they will just keep using. I certainly dont want my husband saying he went back to pain pills because I made him go into detox, but at the same time maybe I have to be realistic that he might never go. what happens to us in the meantime? we suffer, we still love them,we still care about them, but we deserve a life too, we cant stop living. take it one day at a time steve, expect some days to be bad, but you need to heal and most importantly try to get some sort of normalcy back into your life and take care of yourself, try to do something each day for yourself,even if its little. big hugs!!