Forget his birthday in two weeks....No contact really is the best answer with this selfish, mean,-?-(gonna take your house?) lazy junkie/alkie. Read the Melody Beattie books, go to Alanon, keep going to therapy. Focus on you. I thought I loved mine and could save him. I was going down faster than him. You don't have the same values/morals. He has another enabling him who will get tired of it. I wrote down everything bad mine did and kept the list on me at all times. When I wouuld be vulnerable and miss him and want to contact him I would read the list. I had to let go of my magical thinking. See it as it is not as you want it to be. Alanon was great because I would be tellng others my experience and help myself with the healthy , not code, answers. There was a link (funny) back in the spring where we gave ourselves "golden cowchip" medallions for not putting up with their bull$hit on a daily basis and having no contact. Maybe someone can find the" golden cowchip "link. Be grateful you are learning boundaries and lessons. I also think the Abandonment book might help you, it is helping me......I have these fellings from stuff that happened in my childhood........but it is getting better and SR really helps!