Originally Posted by
tam 
But I cant help but feel somehow I am aiding his destiny which can be death, most likely from the drugs,but I feel guilty that I cant help him with his serious health issues, which is what a wife should do.
yesterday I ran into a friend of ours and apparently him and bonnie were talking bad about me in the hospital,that hurt (but again,I know why) and immediately I crashed, was ready to retaliate,but thankfully from this forum I have learned to control it.
I have to go with No contact again and I fear that will put him in a downward spiral, okay okay I know I know he chose this..someone hit me over the head!! to top it off, (
Originally Posted by
tam
I think am I causing more stress on myself ....
If I recall, you are an incredible 2X cancer survivor. Sounds like he is the 3rd cancer and here you are, trying to define and validate yourself with it.
He was an alcoholic 14 years ago. He was a crack addict 10 years ago. Now it's opiates. Is it possible there is a pattern here?
You did not cause any of this. You are not that powerful. So what's with the guilt trip?
That a career addict and some nut job woman are talking bad about you matters? Get a grip on this situation? It's your choice to allow nonsense like this even register, let alone cause you to crash.
You can't cause him to spiral down any more than you can cause him to give up drugs or solve his problems. Again, you are not that powerful. His lifetime of poor choices caused his unemployment, poor health and put him into the hospital. And yeah, you are most certainly creating stress for yourself. And you have been at this a long, long time.
We do this to avoid focusing on our own issues. Establish your own boundaries for yourself that do not involve trying to control other people and their outcomes. Take responsibility for yourself and allow others the dignity to do so for themselves.