I agree that karma can be a bitch, but it also can be a blessing for those who choose to take the high road. It seems to have worked for me. Today my life is filled with blessings. I've been working hard to try and work through my anger and let it dissipate before I take action. My goal is to make conscious efforts to make choices that bring peace, happiness, and serenity into my life and avoid choices and actions that invite negativity. I'm becoming increasingly aware that I often made choices that invited chaos and negativity into my life.
I had a coworker years ago named Al. He was a newlywed and constantly made negative comments about his new wife. He was also very active in his church. We became good friends since we shared the same office. Eventually, I asked him why he married his wife, Angie, in the first place since he clearly was not interested in having her as his partner.
He told me he had asked her to marry him and then immediately had regrets. Being that they were both members of the same church, his pastor intervened, much like yours did and pressured him to go ahead with the marriage. I don't know if he asked for guidance or it was given without an invitation. But the bottom line was that Al felt pressured, even manipulated, to marry Angie. But ultimately the choice to marry Angie was Al's. The marriage lasted about a year.
I think there may be a piece that's missing in the responses here. And that piece is figuring out why outside pressures and manipulations ultimately led you and my friend, Al, to make choices that didn't feel right. It seems that the little voices in your heads were not just whispering "beware," they were shouting "run."
Rather than attempt to make your pastor see the error of her ways, which usually hasn't been fruitful for me, perhaps a change of church may be the way to go. You have an opportunity to make two fresh starts here: a life free from the effects of another person's drinking and a life free from a manipulating pastor.