First of all I'd like to cosign the suggestion for forgiveness, which IMO is far too seldom practiced. It's not easy, but worth working at.
I've heard it said that the worst thing that ever happened to the "institution" of marriage was the notion of marrying for love, and arranged marriages still seem to be the most successful. Way back when, there was this process called "courting" in which couples got to know each other, supervised and attended by older, wiser heads, and the time lapse between initial romantic desires and marriage was usually around two years. Time for each to get to know the other. Some wisdom there.
I'm also reminded of Simon and Garfunkle's line: we see just what we want to see and disregard the rest.....which presciently expresses modern quantum theory that says things only manifest when we focus on them. Love (as in romance and infatuation) tends to obscure reality.
An example that comes to mind is the nearly total lack of incidents of child abuse during the 1950's. But it wasn't that it wasn't going on....it was that we weren't looking for it (or at it). Needless to say, that has changed, but I suspect that the frequency of child abuse has probably remained pretty stable....just our perceptions have changed.
The X may be a sociopath: charming, smart, manipulative and full of rage....and without a conscience. One thing a relationship with a sociopath virtually guarantees is pain and suffering.
I'm really glad you've determined to extricate yourself, no matter how much resistance you encounter. I hope you can remind yourself that love always is willing to let go....it's hatred that needs to hold on. I'm reading in your posts that you are learning to love yourself....that has been a major benefit to me in my recovery.
You go girl!
blessings
zenbear