I had a lot of similar experience with church, counselors and church people. It's difficult to deal with, moreso because it often reaches into other families, relationships and dynamics.
In my case, only a few close friends and recovery friends knew my truth - the abuse and deceit and control freak that was also the church elder. I chose to walk thru my separation and divorce from the "pillar of the church" with dignity and grace. I refused to take the bait when he threw things out at me, I didn't respond when he spewed about his rights and my wrongs. No defense, no response at all was the best play for me.
Divorcing him -- and then living well -- has been the best revenge for me.
It's now 10 yrs later, and I was in our former town recently for a family wedding. A couple whom I had lost touch with found me and reacquainted. They confirmed that they'd known a lot more about the hell that was my life but they had troubles admitting it and coming to grips with all the repercussions of what that meant. It was good and healing for all of us to have a conversation.
It's also been my practice to write things out and then either sit on it for a few weeks or send to a recovery friend first. That way I have a level headed person to help me figure out my motives, my expected result, and whether or not anything good will actually come from me sending that nastygram. (for me the answer is almost always NO)
Hugs to you - I really do understand. I can promise you this - there truly is light and life on the other side of your former life. It just takes time.