You've had some great advice here, W2K. What a nightmare you've gone through.
Noday has a great suggestion. Write it down, stash it away, and after you've had some time, you can choose how you'd like to act as opposed to react while your emotions are running high.
Your pastor made a huge mistake by encouraging you to follow through with a marriage you were doubting. It probably wasn't with harmful intent. It was probably with a lot of pride, however, as a pastor who had brought two church members together, wanting to take credit for the union, believing God had led you to eachother, and so on. The problem is, pastors are human, too, with human weaknesses.
This pastor, with any true humility, will be able to accept responsibility for that mistake. A truly humble pastor would not want to make the same mistake again. I do see it as your responsibility to be honest with the pastor about your experience and the truth of the character of AH, but probably later, after you've had some time to let your emotions find some balance. Say what you mean, mean what you say, but don't say it mean.
I had to wait a lot of years to see justice after the actions of my XAH and his mistress (now wife), but I couldn't have imagined the kind of justice that HP delivered. Not in my wildest dreams.
But...she ended up in a DUI trial, embarrassing herself to the point of being the butt of jokes on radio stations...not just in our community, but all over the USA. Yep. At that point, EVERYONE knew the truth about the moral character of both her and XAH. I didn't have to do a thing out of revenge. It took care of itself. It was actually so nasty, I felt a certain degree of pity for them...only a small degree, mind you.
