Crying tears and feeling horribly guilty - I feel like I have caused my son B's issues in school and emotionally. I feel like I haven't spent the time required. My husband and I are not exactly close right now because he thinks that what I have done is just fine and not the cause of any of the hard times that we have had. He always has an excuse for all of my wrongs. He doesn't care that I have tried so hard over the last 7 days and he is not overly thrilled with me going to meetings - he thinks that there is more pride in recovering alone. I am ashamed and feel much resentment towards my husband. I feel like we are not going to make it because he is a a heavy drinker, he would drink every day if I would let him, in fact he did all his life until I met him. I was sober when I met him and now look at me, fighting for my sanity and for my son's emotional well being. Look what I have done, all because he and I agreed that I could trust myself drinking with him.
Tell me this, why would a man take his date, whom he knew was a drunk, to a winery for a wine tasting. I am MAD as HELL at him right now but I know it is not his fault, it is mine for doing this. I have to own my own choices and live with them. Now I have a mess of a household to clean up because my son, who loves me to death, is hurting terribly inside because of me.
I'm sorry if the above is horrible or out of line...I am just so full of emotion and anger right now!