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Not a Great Day!

Old 09-10-2010, 02:33 PM
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Not a Great Day!

First of all it is Friday and from the moment I woke up until now I have known that every Friday I have lots of drinks and sit on the patio and yadda yadda. I picked my son up from school and he is having "trouble staying on task" and the school year just started...we had this issue all last year. I worked through the bullsh't today so I didn't have to worry too much but now that my work day has come to an end I feel terribly edgy and would love to have a drink. I know, I can't but it is a really tough day.

On the lighter side, I have an appt with AADAC in a couple of weeks and I am FINALLY going to a meeting tonight for the first time. I'm terrified but I know that I have to go.

I need some help to get through my day and drinking isn't an option, that makes a hard day even harder!

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Old 09-10-2010, 02:39 PM
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Take your son out and do something fun, grab some pizza or visit a donut shop. I bet you'll have a good time, and maybe catch up with what's going on with him a little bit.
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Old 09-10-2010, 03:03 PM
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You are right, but he is with his Daddy this weekend. I have been scolding him for over a year and the school thinks he is ADHD and all that - I personally think that he is crying out for attention because though I have never thought my lifestyle has affected him, I know he has not had enough of me. My husband (not daddy) thinks I am wrong but I disagree and have full intentions of spending more time mending the wrongs and the hurts with my Boy...he is my life.

I appreciate your reply, you have no idea what your words just meant to me!
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Old 09-10-2010, 03:07 PM
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OK, then go out and do something fun with your hubby? Maybe a movie? Start a new tradition that doesn't involve alcohol.

Regarding your son...I don't know how old children are but they are remarkably resilient. Don't beat yourself up over it, but I'm sure he will be much happier with you sober:-)
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Old 09-10-2010, 03:15 PM
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Crying tears and feeling horribly guilty - I feel like I have caused my son B's issues in school and emotionally. I feel like I haven't spent the time required. My husband and I are not exactly close right now because he thinks that what I have done is just fine and not the cause of any of the hard times that we have had. He always has an excuse for all of my wrongs. He doesn't care that I have tried so hard over the last 7 days and he is not overly thrilled with me going to meetings - he thinks that there is more pride in recovering alone. I am ashamed and feel much resentment towards my husband. I feel like we are not going to make it because he is a a heavy drinker, he would drink every day if I would let him, in fact he did all his life until I met him. I was sober when I met him and now look at me, fighting for my sanity and for my son's emotional well being. Look what I have done, all because he and I agreed that I could trust myself drinking with him.

Tell me this, why would a man take his date, whom he knew was a drunk, to a winery for a wine tasting. I am MAD as HELL at him right now but I know it is not his fault, it is mine for doing this. I have to own my own choices and live with them. Now I have a mess of a household to clean up because my son, who loves me to death, is hurting terribly inside because of me.

I'm sorry if the above is horrible or out of line...I am just so full of emotion and anger right now!
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Old 09-10-2010, 03:18 PM
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Mama

I think there comes a time when we have to draw a line in the sand and, as much as we can, let go of everything that's happened in the past.

Today is the important day - for all of us - cos it's the only day we can do diddly squat about

D
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Old 09-10-2010, 03:22 PM
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
Mama

I think there comes a time when we have to draw a line in the sand and, as much as we can, let go of everything that's happened in the past.

Today is the important day - for all of us - cos it's the only day we can do diddly squat about

D
Dee I wish I had you attitude and maybe, probably one day I will. I am just so sad right now. This is the worst day yet. I'm usually very happy and try hard not to have a mean mouth, I am having trouble with that today. I'm glad for my first meeting tonight...it's time to get on the journey...for good so I never have to feel this way again...not once this is all over.

Yay for me and my first meeting!
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Old 09-10-2010, 03:25 PM
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I didn't get to where I am in a week Mama...and besides, you don't see me 24/7 LOL.
You're doing fine, I think

D
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Old 09-10-2010, 03:38 PM
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Is there somewhere that I can go to read some of the stories of some of the members here?

I love it here...this is an amazing place to be.
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Old 09-10-2010, 03:58 PM
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I'm glad you asked

Stories of Recovery - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

D
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Old 09-10-2010, 04:02 PM
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Thank you SO much! I intend to read yours first as you have been very active in helping me to achieve my 7 day sobriety.
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Old 09-10-2010, 04:16 PM
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"Sure being an alcoholic sucks - sure it's unfair, sure it's made me mad - ...but it just is. Resenting that is just self defeating tho- it just brings me back to old mindsets and old behaviours"
Dee - I took the above from your story. OMG, that is all that I can say about my day today...OMG.

THANK YOU SO MUCH!
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Old 09-10-2010, 04:37 PM
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Sending huge hugs and positive thoughts mama. I agree with dee... you do need to "try" to let go of the past... yes, you can learn from the past, but at the same time you have to let go.

As a mother of three, youngest is 6, I have come to the conclusion that if I "beat myself up" about all the drinking I did, it will interfere with my recovery.

I didn't yell or hurt my kids or do anything horrible wrong... but they did see me drunk. What would normally happen, if I was drunk I would go to sleep... and their Dad would always be there to help take care of them.

But, when I first took the steps to get sober I was kicking myself for being drunk and felt bad about the lost time that I could have been spending with them, but as the days goes on... I am walking away from that feeling. You see, they seem me as I am today, and they are happy for that.

Sorry to hear about your relationship with you husband, it must be very difficult.

I hope you feel better soon mama. Take very good care of yourself.
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Old 09-10-2010, 04:43 PM
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My son is 8 and I am a yeller, I try hard to be patient and not yell and don't do a bad job of it. My problem is that I would always tell the kids (hubby has 2 girls, 8 and 9) to go away, go watch tv, go play, go do this or that. My son lives with us full time besides a couple of weekends per month and I just feel as though he has needed more attention than just getting him bathed, homework done, the basics. I have never played games with him, spent good old quality time with him very often...we don't even eat supper as a family, he eats while we drink.

All of the above is changing and my husband I talked it over. I am very resentful but he is trying very hard. Yesterday when I got home he had taken EVERY ounce of booze out of this house and dumped it...omg that was hard for him simply because of the money it wasted. To me it was not a waste, it was a huge step in my favor. He is trying, I am just angry and resentful but will work A LOT harder on that. He is not an alcoholic, though he LOVES to drink, and I have to accept that having never been in my spot it is not going to be easy for him to pick up right off the bat.
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Old 09-10-2010, 06:07 PM
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cool mom

Let go of the past. I felt like I was reading the notes from my son's teacher two years ago. He was nine. He still has a hard time staying on task and is an average student but I am there to help and his performance or lack there of doesn't make me crazy. I think mostly because I don't have the booze emotions anymore. I used to think I was relaxing when instead I was really obsessing and freeing up the tongue.
Believe it or not my son still likes to eat in front of the tv and I watch tv myself. We do things together but not all the time. The guarantee he has is that when he asks me a question or gives me a hug, I won't have been drinking. The pressure is off and you will see changes in your child simply because of that. AND he will be so proud of you because he knows how hard addiction is. My son says I am cool because I do things that other moms don't do like take him and his buddies out at night. Their parents have had their cocktails apparently! Or I let him have sleepovers and don't get silly. I have to say I don't let him go to the silly parents' house anymore. So welcome Cool Mom. Glad to know you.
SH
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Old 09-10-2010, 06:16 PM
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Mama36! That's just a tremendous step what your husband just did! That makes him a real hero today! I'm sure you gave him a big hug for that. If he likes to drink then there are other places where he can do that other than in the home and when you are there.
As to your boy, I agree with the other folks. Don't beat yourself up over what's past. What is past is past. You tried the best you could. Wasn't it Abe Lincoln who said, "I did the very best I knew how..." or something like that. You had an illness. You weren't the first one to have to cope with that and you won't be the last.
Now each day you might say, "Well now what are we going to do today? Something that needs to be done? Something fun perhaps? Something we can do together?" Lots of kids have their schools say to them that they've got ADHD. They told my grandchild that. But he's turning out fine. He just needed a little love and a little growing up. I'm sure that you'll give him the love. As for the growing up, well that's something he can work on too.! Good luck and God bless. Hope the AA meeting goes well. Tell us about it later.

W.
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