vaya

MY AS has been finding reasons to periodically come over to my house and I've been playing it by ear, trying to give him the benefit of the doubt and be supportive when he's looking for work. He just got a new job and started this week. I notice ever since I let him come back in, even for short visits he's now pushing the envelope further. Last night he showed up at 2AM wanting to come in, and I let him and let him stay the night. He had met up with younger son yesterday to hang out and wound up leaving without telling him where he was going. Wound up messing up younger son's night and creating a bunch of drama with AS girlfriend who freaked out, cried to my younger son, and then cancelled about coming over to meet up with them and pick up AS. Wow....does the drama get going. Girlfriend is no help and clearly has serious boundary issues and issues with her irresponsibility. She is so sickly codie and wants everyone to be dependent on her, then flakes out when she freaks out. She got younger son to agree to 'babysit' AS when they were hanging out and report back to her. Anyway, I don't like the affect this has on my younger son who is already in enough conflict about AS being an addict. AS left this AM and borrowed younger son's skateboard (with his permission) saying he'd be right back.....An hour+ later, and after 3 phone calls to AS, he finally came back with the board and seemed high, but denied it. Started spinning same story about no one wants him around, etc...after younger brother got mad at him, blah blah blah. AS must of been high because he just kept spining same crap, almost like he was looking for a reason to get mad and then use. He can't hear anything I say. Finally I told him it's not ok for him to keep coming around and expecting to just hang out here.....which I'm basing on his current behavior and disrespect for other's peace and boundaries. He's in such denial.. I know I'm getting stronger seeing the affect his actions start to have on all of us and I don't want the stress, worry, and drama in my home. I have enought going on....laid off job, looking for work, no car, trying to get things on track for me and younger son...I don't even feel bad about letting him back in...guess I had to test the waters....and I think it gives him a good message about why he can't be here, whether or not he's willing to accept it. He says, what am I doing? I'm not doing anything bad. As long as I'm trying to quit and work, why is it so bad if I mess up once in a while. At least I'm not strung out"If I didn't let him come back in he'd continue to hold onto the fantasy about coming back or being angry and resentful about not being able to and I wouldn't have the affirmation I need about the affect of his behavior on me and my younger son.