hopenyc

I am having feelings of guilt again. I have read a few postings about guilt and they have helped, but what I really need is some real time encouragement.

After a year in AA my ABF still feels the need to "check out" (as I call it) whenever he receives bad news. In my opinion he is just "white knuckling" it in between drinking episodes (which he denies every time). By "check out" i mean that he will isolate himself in his apartment, call out at work and not answer calls.

I have come to the slow but firm decision that I want to end this long term relationship and did alot of reading about it. As it turns out though, the bad news is that his mom has just been diagnosed with cancer. Having received this news all of my guilty thoughts are flooding back. I can't fathom giving him my news right after he has received such bad news about his mother.

I keep trying to remind myself that when he "checks out" for whatever reason he is being irresponsible and puting his job (has had it for two weeks by the way) life and relationship in jeopardy. It's not fair for me to have to deal with this.

I have asked him to give me some time to myself right now. I want to think logically right now and not spend all of my time worrying. I just know that given my marshmellow type of personality...if I go back into this stuff it will all just happen again. It has been a year since we moved into separate apartments, but I just don't think that is really what I want.

Any words of advice or encouragement would be so helpful.

Thanks