I am glad I got you guys and my therapist and my mom. Hard to discuss with the voices that I know want the best for me.
Yesterday he arrived and had talked with his dad. He said we have to tell no one that I had already lived with another boyfriend. HUH? who cares?? As if that was a horrible secret of mine. Sheesh. I told him it is too late for me to feel ashamed about my past. He said his dad is very interested "in us". And that he said - if I didn't want to marry him then we were not really "a couple" and had no future.
He said he was saving for my ring and wants to marry me.
Right.
I said I want to be with .. ME ... and be alone for a while (a few years). Maybe later on in life I will decide if I want to marry...... maybe I won't... it is not a topic in my head right now!
He said "I am already 28". I said I am very young and definitely immature to be thinking of such a compromise. He said that no, I am not that young. (Oh oh - over here a woman needs to be married before 30, otherwise she is a loser and worse adjectives. Well at least in this city).
He said "do you want to end up like Y?". Y one of my female friends from work. She has a really high level job. A new Mazda. Her own home that she painted pink. No partner. There comes the stigma, she is a loser because she doesn't have a relation and is around 36. Her many other accomplishments/qualities don't matter. UGH. I thought for myself "yes that is what I wish...exactly, she is a role model!"
He said we need to think of buying a shared house so we have a better house. To have faith in him. And that yes he is saving for a ring and even if we live separately he means business...
Perhaps its time to make him stop losing time with me and go marry someone who is more aligned with what he wants. I believe he wants to marry because other women are demanding and also don't work, yet their partners give them a house, buy them cars, trips etc etc. I have so much to learn from them.
Thank you for all your posts, I am re reading them in times of self doubt.