Originally Posted by
cherrie1 
We are a very close family and that is what is tearing my husband apart. We know we did not do this but our son who we love did and we can not help but feel responsible a little. I am sure they feel that way too. Lucky us, we ended up with two addicts and the rest of the family has none.
Hopefully they will forgive someday and we will be able to be with them and not have this hanging over our heads. He is telling my brother in law tonight about the money and that he will pay everything back and probably taking to my sister in law and her husband tomorrow night. Guess we'll know soon enough.
Did your son call and ask your opinion of his intent to steal from his relatives, before his stole from them? Did you encourage him to do so? Well, of course you did not.
You have done nothing wrong and therefore there is nothing hanging over your head.
I have walked miles in your shoes and once felt the way you do. When we trend towards taking responsibility for someone else's behaviors, it's more about sustaining the fantasy that we somehow/someway control other people's behaviors. The more we try to control other people, the less control we have over ourselves.
Perhaps it makes sense to consider meeting with the relatives to make it clear that you are not responsibile for your son's behaviors. He is not a toddler who accidently broke a vase while running around with his head chopped off.
The outcome will depend on your son taking ownership of his past behavior. That alone will tell you more about his recovery than anything else, provided you give him the dignity of facing the consequences.
I remain curious when this most recent theft occured. If it happened within the past 3 weeks, I suspect something else other than recovery may be going on here, no matter how many meetings he says or is actually attending.