Hi Amy
Everyone needs some support sometimes, that's why we are all here. I don't pretend to know all the answers, I don't pretend to even know a few! But for myself I know that when I was finally able to realize that I had let my addicts addiction consume my life, I made the decision to put an end to that, and I started taking steps back to my happiness.
I tried for so long to make everything okay, clean up every mess he made, defend, fight for and predict any other bumps in the road and then.. I had no more left to give. You don't deserve it and neither do your children. They need you and they need you to be healthy. The way to that happiness? Reclaiming your life from addiction.
Remember what you deserve and don't settle for anything less. Read as much as you can on this forum, and take the advice people have given to heart. Check out as many meetings as you can - they will offer you great understanding as to your behaviors and tools to help you turn them around.
Put the focus back on the happiness of your self and your children. You cannot control addiction but you can take your life back
xoxo