So, going to a new college in a few weeks (yippie), I've been a wreck. I didn't even know my school transition had anything to do with my anxiety until I really sat down and was able to identify that some of the thoughts I dismissed were just pushed to the back of my mind, and proceeded to grow. I've been losing sleep, I haven't been as vocal as usual, I always feel like someone is behind me, and I get into these crazy manic episodes where I do equally crazy (at least unusual) things like load my shot gun (just in case someone tries to get me) or buy strange things.
I talked to my nurse (med provider for my Bipolar Disorder) about this, and since I will be going away soon, she won't give me anything new that might disrupt my adjustment to my new med dose. However, she gave me a sleep aid which helps, and the best part is that it is non addictive.
In the end, I'm having a very hard time staying sober. My DoC (Adderral/Ritalin) isn't a problem because it's harder to get. It's the other things like Vicodin, Alcohol, and Cigarettes that I can easily get from stores or (in the case of Vicodin) connections. I find myself so wound up that I find it extremely difficult to avoid drinking a beer or popping a vicodin just to chill out.
On the plus side, I haven't been irritable lately. However, I've been super emotional, and have cried more in the last two weeks than I have in three or so years.
I don't know what to do
groups and support are awesome and I'm so grateful to have them, but they aren't much against a racing heart and mind.