Tealvertigo

So, going to a new college in a few weeks (yippie), I've been a wreck. I didn't even know my school transition had anything to do with my anxiety until I really sat down and was able to identify that some of the thoughts I dismissed were just pushed to the back of my mind, and proceeded to grow. I've been losing sleep, I haven't been as vocal as usual, I always feel like someone is behind me, and I get into these crazy manic episodes where I do equally crazy (at least unusual) things like load my shot gun (just in case someone tries to get me) or buy strange things.

I talked to my nurse (med provider for my Bipolar Disorder) about this, and since I will be going away soon, she won't give me anything new that might disrupt my adjustment to my new med dose. However, she gave me a sleep aid which helps, and the best part is that it is non addictive.

In the end, I'm having a very hard time staying sober. My DoC (Adderral/Ritalin) isn't a problem because it's harder to get. It's the other things like Vicodin, Alcohol, and Cigarettes that I can easily get from stores or (in the case of Vicodin) connections. I find myself so wound up that I find it extremely difficult to avoid drinking a beer or popping a vicodin just to chill out.

On the plus side, I haven't been irritable lately. However, I've been super emotional, and have cried more in the last two weeks than I have in three or so years.

I don't know what to do groups and support are awesome and I'm so grateful to have them, but they aren't much against a racing heart and mind.

Dee74

Hi Teal

It sounds to me like you may need more than a nurse...it's natural to be nervous, even a little worried when you're starting out at a new college, but this behaviour seems a little excessive.

Have you got a doctor or a counsellor to talk things over with?

D

Tealvertigo

I do have a counselor, but he only works wednesdays through fridays. He's great but his schedule is inconvenient when crisis arises.

I'm gonna talk to my GP to see if there are options until I find someone on top of what I'm already doing.

Thanks for the response

lifesbetternow

I had a similar problem with my heartrate being crazy high and always anxious, because I didnt no what was causing it I started by going and getting basic's all checked like ECG heart scan, full blood tests and poked and prodded everywere by the doctor. Since they eliminated anything physically wrong with me, it gave me sense of security. I would suggest doing this first. For me coming to terms with the fact that these symptoms were caused by alcohol was the most difficult, because in my mind I didnt see I had an addiction/problem.
Definitely get on to it though man, I believe that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. So self medicating with alcohol or drugs is not the way through it...
Good Luck and I hope I helped...

LexieCat

Teal,

Sorry this is so difficult for you right now, but with the meds and the mental health issues on top of the non-prescribed drugs and alcohol, you really need a doctor to sort all this out.

I'd like for you to find someone to take care of your shotgun for you, just until things calm down and you are feeling more stable. I'm serious. You're experiencing some erratic thoughts and behavior, and you are loading a shotgun. You would never forgive yourself if a tragic accident occurred because you misinterpreted a noise, or impulsively grabbed it forgetting it was loaded.

Please.

EanDubh

Have to second what everybody else is saying here. My brother struggled against alcohol, but it turned out his alcoholism was actually a larger symptom of his depression and health anxiety. Once he tackled those issues with help, he found he was capable of moderation without any difficulty whatsoever-- he was self-medicating to avoid dealing with psychological issues.

Anna

Tealvertigo,

I'm glad you are talking to health professionals and getting some help.

My anxiety really kicked in when I began university, and it affected me in so many ways, I didn't even know what was happening. I'm glad you are aware and seeking support.

One thing that I have learned that helps with the anxiety attacks is to feel your body. When the anxiety swirls, pause and notice the breeze on your arms, the sun on your face, the feeling of your jacket keeping you warm. It really helps to slow the swirling anxiety to connect physically with your body.

Tealvertigo

Yes, indeed. I've already looked into my uncle holding onto it for me. He has a nice, big gun case with a lot of friends for my shotgun

Anyway, I apologize for leaving everyone hanging, if I did. My mom decided to take me to a resort for the whole day to relax a bit, which helped. However, I got home and returned to the same wreck that I was before. I've got a throbbing headache and I'm nauseous.

Agh I don't even know what I want to type. Guess I'll leave you guys with a thank you LOL.

LexieCat

Good, let your uncle take care of the gun for you.

And I hope you're able to find a doctor to help get everything untangled. Keep taking good care of yourself in the meantime.

Hugs,