Well, this is my first time posting here, and I need to talk to others that are in my situation... not friends that only support me and can't stand what my husband has put me through.
My husband's name is Josh. I have known him since I was 10 (I'm 22 now) We have been married for 5 years, and have 2 children together, a son who is 4 and a daughter who is 1.
He has had a drug problem, throughout our whole marriage. He is addicted to pain pills. Last month, he finally admitted he was an addict. He went for help in AZ (we currently live in KY), and walked out AMA after detox. Oh by the way he is active duty in the US Army. After getting back here to KY the Army wanted him to finish out rehab. So, he has been there since the 11th. He has to do a 28 day program. I know throughout his using I wasn't completely innocent I would use some here and there, but enough is enough for me, and I won't touch them. I don't have to chase everywhere for a fix for the day, I'm perfectly fine without them. To be honest, I just get down right sick if I even touch them anymore.
I feel like he is his number 1 priority, not me, not the kids. It destroys me, our children and him are my first priority, always. After he gets out of rehab, he wants to take 5 day sof leave and go home (back to Ohio that's where all of our family it). He wants to go alone for a few days, and possibly take our daughter with him. I don't want him to go. I think him going home right now should be the furthest thing from his mind. I think me and the kids should be his first thing. Our marriage needs to much rebuilding from all the lies and deceit. I mean he has been gone since May-July, to come home for 2 weeks, to go back to rehab for a month. We haven't seen him for basically 4 months.
He proceeds to tell me, "well, you went home for 2 months (to Ohio) on vacation while I was in AZ." My vacation consisted of, selling his mustang since he got a new car, getting that check cashed, all the power of attorneys I had to fax back and forth to the people that bought it, to having our kids at the hospital because they were sick, then he insisted I fly out to AZ to see him for a week... at that point when I was going to AZ, why drive 400 miles to KY to drive 400 miles back to OH to fly to AZ to fly to OH to drive back to KY. I just stayed in Ohio for an extra 2 weeks so I wouldn't of had to do all that extra traveling, especially with 2 little kids. While out in AZ I had to deal with the drug thing surfacing and taking him to and from behavior health. He was higher than a kite almost the whole time I was out there.
Today we had a family group therapy session. I went with my daughter, my son was at school. While there, of course they were asking questions and asking how we felt, and I got super emotional, starting crying.. and they asked him how he felt about what I said... and he says "This is a trigger for me and makes me want to go and get high"... gee thanks Josh, that just made me feel great. He said next to nothing to me or anyone the rest of the hour I was there... and when he left he atleast hugged our daughter, he didn't even say one word to me.. yea whatever, I guess I should just get over myself.
I just hope there is going to be some kind of light at the end of the tunnel.. because when we are good, we are really good.. but at this point, I feel so disconnected from him, and I just want my husband back.
Thanks if you made it this far.. I know it was long, probably all over the place too.. I just needed to let it off of my chest.
The therapist there suggested I go see a doctor about depression, so I did make myself an appointment for that tomorrow too. Our next session is friday, I hope it goes well.