Ugh. God. Gaslighting.
So many forms of it....
My ExAGF's latest gaslighting tactics include demanding an apology. She usually only phones me when she is drunk. She demands an apology for the way that I have handled her drinking around my infant daughter in the past. She simply will not let it go. Even though I have not so much as mentioned it in almost a year.
Notice there is absolutely ZERO ownership on her part of anything she has done wrong (namely drinking to intoxication around an infant, even though she does this fairly often) no, no admission of any guilt whatsoever, only the demand of an apology for what I have done wrong. Yes, I know, I am heinous for having been upset about her consumption. Yes, I probably did handle it poorly. Yes, I have admitted it. But still, the demand for a 'heartfelt' apology for my wrongs crops up everytime she is drinking, when she decides to phone me, ironically, whilst drunk.
That is a form of gaslighting IMO.
Presenting false evidence, insisting on my wrongdoing, when all I did was express my disliking of her drinking whilst taking care of an infant (which I believe is my fair right as a father).
Before that, she was on a kick of accusing me of alcoholism. Yes, I go to the pub on the weekend only. During the rest of my week, I am working, so I stay in, and with my daughter, I do not drink, ever. I have drank beer a grand total of twice in the last 2 weeks. I can take it or leave it.
Before that her kick was to tell everyone that I am a deadbeat dad, despite the fact that it was her who was giving me a tough time regarding access to my child.
Don't you love that tactic? Deny me access to my child for months on end, then tell everyone that I'm the deadbeat....
ironically, I spoke with her ex husband not too long ago, and he experienced all the gaslighting as well. She tries to paint him as a drug addict, when he is most definitely not. Oh yes, gaslighting is a very effective tool for the addict/alcoholic in blame deflection, but I think it is rooted in something psychological beyond mere addiction. It's also a form of projection to them.
I just agree and/or say, okay, well, I have to go now. Then she leaves me alone for another month or so, until she gets into the vino and decides to give me a call. It's happening less frequently these days though because she can no longer elicit the reaction out of me.