msgalore;
I have beeen divorced from a gambling addict for a number of years. For a long time, I did not see anyone. I knew this one man professionally, and really liked him and respected him. However, we had a professional relationship, and nothing happened, although I think we both knew we were attracted to each other. I knew him for years, and trusted him explicitly.
Well, he left his practice and moved away. I sent him a card, wishing him well. He wrote back and we began a very nice correspondence.
To put it mildly, I learned MUCH more since then about him. TOO much more. He is definately a sex addict. His fantasies and prior actions are extreme to say the least. He tried convincing me that it was a good thing to be "open" sexually. (I am NOT a prude, but, there ARE limits, ya know.) Needless to say, I do not see him anymore, (we only saw each other twice personally.)
I feel really badly for him. He thinks he is "open minded" and that he is healthy in his ability to "question" the standards of sexual morality. The orgies of the ancient Greeks are desirable to him, and he acts them out. It is clear he is afraid of intimacy - of real love.
Of course this was the first guy I had been attracted to since my divorce. Doesn't it figure! And it was a real blow to my ego. I haven't dated anyone since, and that was @ a year ago. Intellectually, I know I did nothing wrong. I questioned why he thought I would act in such a manner; if I had done something to make him think that way. I didn't. I questioned my ability to see what was real - right before my eyes. Spiritually, I have been wounded.
I still think of the guy I knew BEFORE I knew him - if that makes any sense. I miss that guy.
But, I guess he never really existed.
It's too bad, because he was one heck of a man. If only in my mind!
I am glad you brought up this subject. It is good to be able to reflect on this experience for what it was. I know how you feel right now, and I wish you the best.