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Recently divorced from a sex addict

Old 07-06-2004, 08:57 PM
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Recently divorced from a sex addict

I'm new to this site. My father is an alcoholic and I followed the pattern by marrying an addict. My first husband was addicted to drugs and alcohol. I divorced him and found Al-Anon. Unfortunately, I didn't stay with it; I remarried within a year and had 2 children. I've discovered over the last few years that my husband of 7 years is a sex addict. He worked hard to hide this addiction. I'm so confused about how I seem to continue to find addicted persons. I am getting professional help and know I need Al-Anon or something! I now live in a remote area with no meetings anywhere nearby. I drive 2 hours for therapy and think finding meetings regularly would be difficult. I'm wondering if this site might could help me figure some things out about myself and talk with other people who have gone through and are working towards overcoming these issues. I have read tons of information on co-dependency, alcoholism, and drug addiction. In fact, I'm a licensed therapist myself. But somehow, I escaped learning much of anything about sexual addiction. Is it that prevalent and how does the addiction impact the family. I"m concerned for my children, etc.
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Old 07-06-2004, 09:59 PM
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You might want to mosey on over the Al-Anon, Nar-Anon, and/or ACoA forums here on this site. Unfortunately, there isn't a forum here for sexual addiction, but there are online co-dependents meetings in addition to the message boards. Welcome to SR!
Love, Eddie
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Old 07-08-2004, 09:10 AM
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im audra. not a sex addict but have read up on it a little. i agree with eddie. i think there might be another part of the site that deals with these issues. but a lot of us are codependent which is what you sound like. there are people here that can relate. me being one of them. my mom codependent, grandad an alcoholic. but support will definitely help. read all the different posts on here and take a journey through the different online sources available here. anyway, support is what we are all here for, so welcome. i hope you find what you are looking for.
audra
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Old 07-08-2004, 06:05 PM
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Help Kimmie OB1 Kanobi : )
 
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Hi Msgalore and welcome!!

I am Kimmie and my boyfriend is a cocaine/pothead/sex addict..Let me start off by saying..I UNDERSTAND YOUR PAIN AND CONFUSION!! I will not go into details right now..please feel free to read my posts and you will get most of my story by reading. I have been posting for awhile now and posted quite alot about my boyfriend and his sex addiction ( don't want to go into it now ). Briefly, I have been with him for 6 years and we do live together..As for his sex addiction he has done EVERYTHING!! He has slept with hookers gone to porn shops, strip clubs, escorts..I understand your pain...
Welcome and keep posting..you will get GREAT SUPPORT HERE!!

Kimmie
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Old 07-08-2004, 08:10 PM
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the girl can't help it
 
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msgalore-

Welcome!! Keep reading and posting. Addictions are basically all the same. But, sex addiction does so hurt the mate of the addict. It attacks us at the core of who we are. Our sexuality is very much at the core of who we are. I know you must feel very betrayed and confused at how this could go on.
I believe that the good part of us wants to believe in good in others. We fall in love and we trust that. I read a really good book on sex addiction but, I loaned it out and I can't remeber the title.....(menopause)huh!

Just don't take his addiction personally I believe being with a sex addict has to be very painful... But, it was nothing you did that drove him to it please believe that....
Now you are not with him. So be gentel with yourself don't believe the negative. You are reaching out for help and that is good.... You will be alright. You will learn to reckonize the symptoms of addiction in another. You will learn what behaviors of yours actract addicts. Addicts hav a keen sence of smell for us codies!! When we grew up with addiction we have to take note of our learned behaviors and untangle ourselves. May you find peace...
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Old 07-09-2004, 02:25 AM
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To Life!
 
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msgalore;
I have beeen divorced from a gambling addict for a number of years. For a long time, I did not see anyone. I knew this one man professionally, and really liked him and respected him. However, we had a professional relationship, and nothing happened, although I think we both knew we were attracted to each other. I knew him for years, and trusted him explicitly.
Well, he left his practice and moved away. I sent him a card, wishing him well. He wrote back and we began a very nice correspondence.
To put it mildly, I learned MUCH more since then about him. TOO much more. He is definately a sex addict. His fantasies and prior actions are extreme to say the least. He tried convincing me that it was a good thing to be "open" sexually. (I am NOT a prude, but, there ARE limits, ya know.) Needless to say, I do not see him anymore, (we only saw each other twice personally.)
I feel really badly for him. He thinks he is "open minded" and that he is healthy in his ability to "question" the standards of sexual morality. The orgies of the ancient Greeks are desirable to him, and he acts them out. It is clear he is afraid of intimacy - of real love.
Of course this was the first guy I had been attracted to since my divorce. Doesn't it figure! And it was a real blow to my ego. I haven't dated anyone since, and that was @ a year ago. Intellectually, I know I did nothing wrong. I questioned why he thought I would act in such a manner; if I had done something to make him think that way. I didn't. I questioned my ability to see what was real - right before my eyes. Spiritually, I have been wounded.
I still think of the guy I knew BEFORE I knew him - if that makes any sense. I miss that guy.
But, I guess he never really existed.
It's too bad, because he was one heck of a man. If only in my mind!
I am glad you brought up this subject. It is good to be able to reflect on this experience for what it was. I know how you feel right now, and I wish you the best.
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Old 07-09-2004, 03:59 PM
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Help Kimmie OB1 Kanobi : )
 
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My core has been ROBBED!!!!! No wonder why I feel like such crap all the time : (

Kimmie
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Old 07-09-2004, 04:14 PM
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To Life!
 
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Kimmie;
It has only been robbed if you let it be.
Please don't. You are worthy.
Take good care of yourself, ok? We are here!
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