Originally Posted by
caligirl71 
My AH and I have been married 11 years and we have 2 little ones. He has been drinking heavy for at least the past 6 years. He has gotten to the point when he drinks he gets mean (verbally abusive). I try to keep it together for my kids because I worry if we divorce he will get joint custody & something will happen to them while he is drunk & they are under his care! Last night we went to a family cook-out and he got wasted & made a scene in front of his whole family and my kids. He tried to take the keys & leave & he couldn't even walk! I took my kids and left him there...haven't heard a word from his today & now I am starting to feel guilty. I feel like his family will blame me for this.......I just feel so lost sometimes.........Does anyone have any words of wisdom? Do people drink because they are unhappy in their lives or do they just try to find someone/something to blame to justify their actions???
Blame you for what???? His drinking? His behavior? Your prioritizing the safety of you and your children? You didn't cause his drinking, especially if it is out of control (possibly alcoholism) and you can't cure it. Until he is ready to admit he has a problem and seek a solution, you can expect things to get worse, not better. Fear of the future if you divorce must take a second place to fear of the future if you don't. If you are thinking about leaving, I'd suggest you begin documenting...objectively....his behaviors, drinking patterns, etc. Courts are familiar with the dangers of drunks caring for children, and I suspect that you would be a far better caretaker of your children if you were willing to cease tolerating his behavior which, there's no denying...puts you and the kids at risk. Furthermore, I know lots of alcoholics who have recovered by going to court mandated treatment....which could be part of any divorce proceeding.
We need not fear fear. But we need to have the courage to do what is necessary despite our fears.
Q...has there been any serious discussion of his drinking re: possibly being an alcoholic, perhaps checking out AA? Personally, I think you should immediately find an Alanon meeting, where you'll find the support from likeminded people who have walked in your shoes. If you are unfamiliar with Alanon/AA, use google to educate yourself.
blessings
zenbear