Hang in there, Jean,
I trust it will get better. I think a lot of people in early recovery think everything will be "all better" right away, and then they give up when it isn't.
It takes time for the brain to recover from the abuse it's been through. People who suffer brain injuries, like stroke victims, for example, have to literally re-learn how to do things. We will forge new neural pathways. It's sometimes maddening, but we have to stop kicking ourselves in the meantime.