Daybreak-welcome and I agree with what everyone has posted and it is great that you are being honest with yourself. That is not always the easiest thing for us codies to do.
Your AH is like all alcoholics--it is all about him and nothing about you. Is it malicious--I'm not sure. Sometimes my stbxah is extremely malicious but I think underlying that is his total denial of what is going on around him and complete and total belief that he is the sun and the rest of the world rotates around him that leads to that maliciousness.
It is hard to be married to someone who cares about only one person-and that is the person that looks back at them in the mirror every morning. For me it was impossible-especially once kids were involved.
I have to say, like suki my first thought was, why? But I have been where you are at and had every reason in the world to leave but was not far enough into my own recovery. Codependent No More and SR tipped the scales for me and my eyes were no longer clouded by his lies.
Take care of yourself and start small. Me, I would cut off the cash flow instantly. Why should you be his personal bank?
Keep coming back. Keep posting.