It's amazing that even after I left, she still has control over me and my life.
It's so frustrating! Right now I'm just sitting and waiting for I don't know what.
Phineas, I don't think you quite appreciate how big a "favor" she has done you by acting this way NOW, that is, BEFORE you married her and had children with her. Because once you marry the person and have children with them, this situation becomes A LOT more painful and A LOT more devastating.
The question for you now is, how did you manage to get yourself so involved with (and ENGAGED TO) someone who is so messed up? The reason you want to investigate that now is so that you don't wind up making the same mistake again, and so that you don't MARRY the same kind of person. Because we do tend to pick the same type of person over and over again for relationship partners. I strongly suggest Al-Anon as a place to start doing this research on yourself.