After having been together for 14 years with my alcoholic husband, I just knew I couldn't continue living with him actively drinking. It just got worse and worse. It wasn't a matter of what I wanted (what I wanted was for him to stop drinking and I wanted a life with him). I was so tired of having the same, silly conversation about his drinking not being a problem and why pot is not a big deal. I felt like I was talking to a fourteen-year-old not a grown man I wanted a life partnership with! I was so sad. It became a matter of what I had to do for me and most especially for our child. For years I felt I was surviving with my head above water (w/ weights tied to my hands and feet), even though I always tried to anticipate every possible roadblock, wrench in our plans, unknowns, etc. (which seemed to predictably happen living with an alcoholic/addict). It got exhausting, no matter how prepared I was. All the energy spent on putting out fires, planning ahead for what will most likely go wrong etc. chipped away at my spirit and made me a person I didn't want to be anymore.
Even though I knew it was time, it took yet another two and half years to carry out moving out of my house. I first closed our accounts and opened my own bank account (and cried all the while opening up my new account). It still took a few more months for me to leave. (Since he refused to leave and it was getting old for me to say, "Get out!", I had to take my child and just leave). It was the hardest thing I have had to do! I had to muster up every bit of courage and strength to move our things out over the course of about one week and continue interacting with my AH. He never even noticed our things were missing. I left him a note. That was one year ago this time. Leaving was the best thing for me, for our child and for my AH who went into recovery as a result.
I am sending you positive vibes. I hope you will know when you've hit your limit (when you are sick and tired of being sick and tired). . . in the meantime, I do think it's a great idea to attend Alanon, Codependents' Anonymous, Family's Anonymous (whatever they have in your area) and visit SR often. I find so much insight and wisdom here! (This site actually helps me more than the meetings, BUT if you find a meeting you like, keep going!) I didn't do those things until my AH started recovery. I wish I would've searched and researched my own recovery methods and strategies as vigorously as I did my AH's.