I know what you mean. When I stopped using, it was really tough to not have the crutch which helped me mask my feelings. Of course the crutch was terrible for me and put me and others in grave danger. Thankfully I am still around today. I spend lots of time working with a Therapist and working through my issues. Now I still struggle but I face life instead of hiding from it in the bottle. Drinking and using never solved my problems. Sure I did not care about the problems for the short time I was "high" but I was much lower afterwards. The Lows far outlived the highs. Of course the mind forgets and I certainly would romanticize about how I imagine it would be going out and drinking and using again. But I have been there and done that. It never works out. Of course I need to remind myself and write that down because the mind certainly has short term memory! Together we can overcome the addictions and we can find a life worth living. It takes work but it is worth it!
Best of luck to you! Stay strong you can totally do this!