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I'm not sure if I can cope with life sober

Old 08-06-2010, 07:32 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Hang in there Harry. I was 50 when I quit drinking with the mentality of a 20 yr old, I barely left my home (or talked to anyone) my first year of sobriety except to go to work and to church; I had no idea how to live sober. I cried at least weekly that first year, first because of the "sorrow" of not being able to escape via alcohol, then from the shame/regrets of my drunken life. I read everything I could find about recovery and I started practicing what I read and now I can't imagine how I even survived all those years in that drunken haze, my life is at least 10 times better now! Stopping drinking was the easy part for me, recovery-learning to live sober was the hard part but WELL worth it.
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Old 08-06-2010, 08:23 AM
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Harry:
What really amazes me is the great love and wisdom I see in all these messages to you! Here are so many friends for you, all on your side and rooting for you! And all seem to have been through what you're going through now. It's very tough. As you say, all your armor is gone, but you know that armor was killing, and would have killed you. Your body still wants alcohol and is playing tricks with your mind. So read over these messages from all these wonderful folks, seek a counselor if you can, attend AA meetings which you find congenial and non judgmental (I found quite a few), seek a good sponsor and day by day, month by month things will get better and better. All these people here, all on your side! What a wonderful thing! Every good wish!

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Old 08-06-2010, 08:35 AM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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Harry, I think I kept drinking for a very long time because the idea of living without alcohol terrified the bejeebies out of me. What if I went to treatment or AA or something and it actually worked????? The error in my thinking was that I thought drinking too much was my problem. In fact, alcohol was simply the means by which I attempted to resolve me problems...my social ineptitude, my self-loathing, my shame, etc. But I didn't get that...not at first, anyway. I became a convert when I learned about AA's 12 steps & realized they offered a design for living sober. Only the first step addresses drinking, and I believe it is the only one that must be worked to perfection: I had to surrender, to admit down to the tips of my toes that alcohol had beaten me. I couldn't do it any longer. It does not happen too quickly, but there certainly is life without alcohol. And there would not have been with it.
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Old 08-06-2010, 09:03 AM
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Wow Harry, look at all these replies. A lot of people care about you and that has got to be a great feeling. Here you can find a lot of people who have already been through the same stuff you are going through now. And, a lot of people who are going through that same stuff right now, along with you. What I'm trying to say is, you don't have to do this alone, and as I read, you aren't doing it alone.

Feel good about this one thing. You posted how you felt here at the forum. I don't think you want to give up being sober, not deep inside of you anyway.

Don't give up Harry, don't try taking the easy way out. Nobody ever told me that getting sober was going to be easy, and it isn't. But after I did feel better about what was happening, I knew that this hard work is well worth it. Matter of fact, I'm worth working so hard for.

Keep coming, it does get better.

Harry
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Old 08-06-2010, 12:55 PM
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Harry.....removing alcohol removes the mask. It was hard for me and hard for many of us which is why getting sober takes strength and courage.....both of which you have.

I found counseling extremely beneficial since just getting sober didn't fix me into the person I am now overnight. I needed help to understand me....what i was feeling and positive ways to handle everything in my life.

Stay strong....this is just another piece of early recovery.....No matter what happens in my life.....I would never want to live the hell I lived in for years.

So glad you shared with us and I am so proud of your determination and all this beautiful time spent sober.

Any day without alcohol is a blessing. Keep it going!!!
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Old 08-06-2010, 01:29 PM
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Dearest Harry, my hear goes out to you, i too have been in the place you are in now & all i can tell you is there is a future. I've heard it said giving up the booze is the easy part (for some), living sober & emotional soberity is feckin hard. I had a lot of issues to deal with and for me i watched & listened to member talking i waited until i could identify with a particular person, a soberity i wanted. When i found this person after asking my HP for help i swallowed my pride & asked for help. I was 37 when i came in & i know i am a miracle. To trust is not an easy thing but its very achieveable, i cant do this by my self, i need you as much as you need us. Hang in there ask for the help and day by day it will get better. Keepin it simple is a must, dont dwell. i would suggest gettin a hp in ure life (fake it till u make it if needs be), get a sponsor, do the steps..............and live. Living sober is going to have its ups & downs but its worth it 100%.
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Old 08-09-2010, 12:21 AM
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How are you doing Harry?
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Old 08-09-2010, 01:13 AM
  # 28 (permalink)  
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Hi Harry,

Sorry to hear how you're feeling..

I'm also 38 and finally got my act together back in February after over 20 years of binge drinking and using alcohol as a crutch to help me deal with problems and emotions..

Like many of those above, I can really identify with what you're going through.. I'm a shy person and I used to drink in social situations to help me relax and be able to talk to people, express myself, etc. But I was drinking too much and ended up making a show of myself and not remembering conversations with people the next day, having blackouts, etc..

Please read the link which Dee sent you on PAWS which I only recently read and which I should have read much earlier on!! I was always the person to bury my emotions deep inside and very rarely cried but I've found myself crying over the stupidest little things over the last few months – but now I understand why!!

I'm just over 6 months down the line now and feeling better than ever. I'm eating much healthier these days, lost a lot of weight, am fitter than ever and am doing things which I haven't been doing in years. I'm getting my life back and getting organised after leaving things to fester at home for the last few years… Gone are the hangovers and blackouts and now I'm having meaningful conversations with people in social gatherings and am able to remember the full details the next morning! I'm definitely growing in confidence which I didn't have much of with drink by my side… The fog has finally lifted and I'm not counting the days anymore to be honest – just waiting for the 1 year mark and am determined to make it that far! I have too much to lose and don't plan to go down that well trodden path again…

You have so much support and incredible advice from friends above Harry and I would join them in wishing you courage, strength and determination in these difficult days and really look forward to hearing how you're doing in the coming weeks and months as I know you're going to go from strength to strength!!


Big hugs,

Almath
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Old 08-09-2010, 05:49 AM
  # 29 (permalink)  
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Hi Harry! I'm new to recovery and can feel what you are saying. I find myself stopping before i go out of the house and think " wait do I have drop? (thats what we called our pills.) For me this past week has been a test to just perform normal daily functions. I cannot recall at time in my life since I was 14 that i was'nt on something or another. I'm looking at it as a brand new experience and it excites me, as well as terrifies me.

I was glad to have read your post Harry. For me to know that you feel the same really helps me to feel like I'm a part of something big here. I dont have any great tips cuz I don't know myself yet but hopefully next month at this time we will be here saying "it's been over a month!"
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Old 08-09-2010, 05:27 PM
  # 30 (permalink)  
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Harry: By now I guess you can see from all these posted replies that you've really struck a chord! So many, maybe all of us, have been just where you are right now. As they say, the best thing for you might be to think about sharing all this with a counselor, with a good AA sponsor, and at as many meetings as you find helpful.
You sure are right about the "armor", or maybe the fortress you built around yourself (and we did too!) with alcohol, etc. Now that's gone and it's a long slow process to pick up where you left off before the drinking, but if you persist, and never forget just how serious this really is, the real you will come back, gradually but ever so certainly and you will start feeling better about yourself and happier than you have ever been. If you persist it will come. WE PROMISE YOU!

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Old 08-09-2010, 10:39 PM
  # 31 (permalink)  
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I know what you mean. When I stopped using, it was really tough to not have the crutch which helped me mask my feelings. Of course the crutch was terrible for me and put me and others in grave danger. Thankfully I am still around today. I spend lots of time working with a Therapist and working through my issues. Now I still struggle but I face life instead of hiding from it in the bottle. Drinking and using never solved my problems. Sure I did not care about the problems for the short time I was "high" but I was much lower afterwards. The Lows far outlived the highs. Of course the mind forgets and I certainly would romanticize about how I imagine it would be going out and drinking and using again. But I have been there and done that. It never works out. Of course I need to remind myself and write that down because the mind certainly has short term memory! Together we can overcome the addictions and we can find a life worth living. It takes work but it is worth it!
Best of luck to you! Stay strong you can totally do this!
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