Harry: By now I guess you can see from all these posted replies that you've really struck a chord! So many, maybe all of us, have been just where you are right now. As they say, the best thing for you might be to think about sharing all this with a counselor, with a good AA sponsor, and at as many meetings as you find helpful.
You sure are right about the "armor", or maybe the fortress you built around yourself (and we did too!) with alcohol, etc. Now that's gone and it's a long slow process to pick up where you left off before the drinking, but if you persist, and never forget just how serious this really is, the real you will come back, gradually but ever so certainly and you will start feeling better about yourself and happier than you have ever been. If you persist it will come. WE PROMISE YOU!
Wpainter