I knew I was unhappy in my relationship with my XA+ABF who was addicted to crack but 5 years clean, but I didn't know what to DO about that unhappiness at the time, other than be miserable, retreat from him, and be mad and/or depressed about it. After some time, he started smoking pot again and I kinda' just ignored that. I didn't actually KNOW what it MEANT for someone to be a crack addict "5 years clean." I didn't even know what A.A. was. Once he relapsed on the alcohol, I very quickly found out what that all meant. I was naive and struggling with some things in my OWN LIFE, unrelated to either him or the relationship: Things like mortgages and job losses and normal things like that. I was doing my best to live my life the best I could, regardless of what he was doing. But what he ACTUALLY did was make my life HARDER on a somewhat daily basis. He created problems where there was NO NEED for problems. He was not an equal partner. He made very poor financial decisions. He paid his share of the rent according to his own terms and his own timeframes. Even after he betrayed me and cheated on me and was downright rotten to me, I held on tight. Sooner or later, after enough time in the Rooms, I was able to focus on me and eventually let go. It was Hell. But I MADE it Hell. Now I know I had a choice to make it hell or not. It's a hard lesson to learn but once you learn it, it's just as hard to forget it. You live and you learn.