Thank you all for your encouragement, I think sometimes it just helps to know that you aren't alone in the situation and other people know exactly what you are going through. AB came home last night after drinking all day and smoking crack. The crack thing is new, he has to get a bigger high than the alcohol. Luckily, we do not own anything together, no property or possessions, which looking back is sad that in 8 years we didn't purchase 1 thing together. His money always went for him. I know what is coming, he is going to wake up and beg to stay, he is going to promise to get clean, go to meetings, blah, blah, blah. Same old story. He, like all of them, is the master at manipulation. He has gotten so good at his verbal abuse that I know he has torn me down. I called for the next Al Anon meeting, I'm not sure why I am so scared to go to that, but it is tomorrow night & I am really planning to go.
I know I will survive this, but right now my heart is really breaking. I keep telling myself, you only get 1 shot at life & this is not the way I want to spend it. I have to get rid of that small voice inside that thinks maybe he will change this time.