Hi Harry,
Sorry to hear how you're feeling..
I'm also 38 and finally got my act together back in February after over 20 years of binge drinking and using alcohol as a crutch to help me deal with problems and emotions..
Like many of those above, I can really identify with what you're going through.. I'm a shy person and I used to drink in social situations to help me relax and be able to talk to people, express myself, etc. But I was drinking too much and ended up making a show of myself and not remembering conversations with people the next day, having blackouts, etc..
Please read the link which Dee sent you on PAWS which I only recently read and which I should have read much earlier on!! I was always the person to bury my emotions deep inside and very rarely cried but I've found myself crying over the stupidest little things over the last few months – but now I understand why!!
I'm just over 6 months down the line now and feeling better than ever. I'm eating much healthier these days, lost a lot of weight, am fitter than ever and am doing things which I haven't been doing in years. I'm getting my life back and getting organised after leaving things to fester at home for the last few years… Gone are the hangovers and blackouts and now I'm having meaningful conversations with people in social gatherings and am able to remember the full details the next morning! I'm definitely growing in confidence which I didn't have much of with drink by my side… The fog has finally lifted and I'm not counting the days anymore to be honest – just waiting for the 1 year mark and am determined to make it that far! I have too much to lose and don't plan to go down that well trodden path again…
You have so much support and incredible advice from friends above Harry and I would join them in wishing you courage, strength and determination in these difficult days and really look forward to hearing how you're doing in the coming weeks and months as I know you're going to go from strength to strength!!
Big hugs,
Almath