You are being emotionally manipulated and abused by your ABF. The tactic is to make you feel confused and stuck, so you don't leave. Alcoholics are experts at this kind of thing. They throw you a small bone of hope, then down the rollercoaster you go again.
I haven't left yet but it is my plan. My gut instincts tell me that the pain, stress, anxiety, torment, depression and confusion I'm experiencing are not acceptable... and certainly not for the rest of my life. I'm working on getting the courage I need to get out. You should too.