Exactly Lexie, it is as if I could not bear to think that everything I had invested in the relationship no longer paid dividends, and I hoped that if I just stayed in there a bit longer, maybe it would all come out right.
Finally, at the end of my tether, I realised it was NEVER going to change for the better and it was time to stop the bailing, and just abandon ship.
XAH went down with the ship, but it was a painfully slow descent.
RABF stayed a bit, then grabbed a life belt and dived overboard, being picked up by the recovery lifeboat. NO, I was NOT rowing, as always had....I wasn't in the same boat this time.
The problem for me was that both A's could convince me that "this time" was different and each "meant business". Soon as I got comfortable again, whammo and into the old ways they went, and I was almost numb and unable to move with disappointment, and despair.
It only ended when I quit believing the words and believed the actions, and had to admit it was a waste of time, effort and health, and my life was passing swiftly.
No way in this world will I ever be that gullible again.
Your day of enlightenment and action will come, maybe sooner than you think.
God bless