Originally Posted by girl1234

I feel kinda stupid really. Everyone thinks I havent tried. But i have, but i cant stop drinking. I truly am an alcoholic. Havent stop marijuana either, but drinking is my first priority. Thinking bout my little boy makes so angry at myself. I dont deserve him, he is the most precious thing in the world. But mama needs to sort her sh*t out first. So i should be on day 10, but iv drank twice since then. Lastnight included. I made such a fool out of myself. My bf hates me, I was apprently flirting with a guy. I swear I would never do it if I was sober, its not me, I am a completely different person when i drink. Its seems all the anger i hold inside just comes out. I hate it, I hate myslef. My whole family all saw it too. I feel like dying right now. I know the problem is boredom. I stay at home with my little boy and am doing designing and decorating studies from home, i dont go anywhere. My bf is my rock, he has put up with so much of my crap its not funny. I love him so much & dont want to lose him. Im scared if I dont sort myself he WILL leave, and I couldn't blame a thing on him. I'm seeking so hard for that motivation, willpower and strength, God knows how much I want it. Right now at this moment my life doesnt feel worth living.