Aw, all teary here...thank you for the encouragement. In all honesty I overall don't feel like I'm in the strongest of places right now, I feel worn down, so I really need the encouragement. Thank you.
My DDs went to the Alateen meeting last night and were really impressed with how friendly the kids at the meeting were. It's a much bigger meeting than the first one they went to this week. My 14 yo said right away that "the kids all seem so normal, you wouldn't know what they're dealing with!" and she wants to go back. My 12 yo, who wasn't sure she was going to go to the 2nd meeting at all, did attend with her sister and said SHE wants to go back, too! She expressed some confusion about why she's there, though, since many (most?) of the kids there have an active alcoholic parent. I shared that my experience is that when I started going to Alanon (which I thought was "because" of my relationship with my exA and I thought I could "help" by going to meetings) I realized that even though I didn't have active alcoholics as parents that I could relate to the reading and feelings shared in the meetings. My 14 yo said, "Yeah! I feel that way too!"
My 12 yo said she's thinking of talking about how she doesn't understand why she's there, but that she likes being there. Wow. Cool. I'm very proud of them for trying something new....aw, mushy sentimental posie, here...
I have chosen to not discuss the Alateen involvement with their Dad. My 14 yo said that she told him that she's attending an activity because of the alcoholism in the extended generations of the family. But interestingly, when she tells me what she chooses to share in the meetings, it's about him. I figure that none of it is mine to share, and if he has questions then no doubt he'll ask the kids. My job is to cheer them on.
For those of you with kiddos, I highly recommend a good Alateen group (ages 10-20 for many of them) if you have access to one and your kids are at least somewhat amenable to going. In the last few days we've been able to have some really great discussions based on their thoughts and feelings about the meetings, and I feel like already we have more open communications about what's REALLY going on in any given situation.
I wish I had a group when I was growing up, too, Mel--and I wish my mother had had a group, and her mother before her...how sad that the alcoholism legacy goes on.
Thank you, thank you,
posie