Dearest Harry, my hear goes out to you, i too have been in the place you are in now & all i can tell you is there is a future. I've heard it said giving up the booze is the easy part (for some), living sober & emotional soberity is feckin hard. I had a lot of issues to deal with and for me i watched & listened to member talking i waited until i could identify with a particular person, a soberity i wanted. When i found this person after asking my HP for help i swallowed my pride & asked for help. I was 37 when i came in & i know i am a miracle. To trust is not an easy thing but its very achieveable, i cant do this by my self, i need you as much as you need us. Hang in there ask for the help and day by day it will get better. Keepin it simple is a must, dont dwell. i would suggest gettin a hp in ure life (fake it till u make it if needs be), get a sponsor, do the steps..............and live. Living sober is going to have its ups & downs but its worth it 100%.