I don't think labeling myself as codepedent carries any shame or is anything to be afraid of. Quite the opposite. It was a relief to me to have something to call my dysfunction and unhappiness, and a bigger relief to find out I had the ability to change it. I wasn't stupid or idiotic, I just learned some things along the way that were unhealthy and/or self-destructive
Would we be consider codependents if not for the alcoholics in our lives?
As others have said in this thread, these behaviors or "reactions" come from living with an alcoholic.
But for me the shame comes from knowing that I became this person I didn't even recognize...
Prior to (life with an alcoholic) I felt strong and independent. I didn't take crap from anyone. I was reasonable. I believed in " ya' say what you mean and mean what you say" And because of this person (the alcoholic) I'm in a situation where I'm trying to make sense of things that are so unreasonable. I lost all control over MYSELF. Every time I was like " What the HELL am I doing??!!"
I was so naive to what alcoholism is, the power of it. Over him and over me. Him over me!
And then to be given a label such as codependent or worse -INSANE - And to say I have a problem as serious as the alcoholic. Forget about it!!