Unreal
Everything just seems unreal to me. In April my spouse of now 9 yrs told me that for the past 5 years he had been popping tramadol and vicodin. I did the whole supportive wife thing and he went to detox at a hospital. But I felt so betrayed, 5 years of lies, 5 years of him secretly moving money, and then other incidents, where you look back and think, was it him or the drugs?
Anyway we separated after his detox but I took him back in 5 weeks. He went to a psychiatrist who put him on suboxone due to post acute withdrawal syndrome. And wellbutrin.
I don't know what's up anymore. He is out of the suboxone so he says and is irritable, unmotivated, and closed emotionally. I don't know if i want to live my life wondering who I married and if he is using. I feel lost and the betrayal is still overwhelming.
He is ok one day and not the next. I feel like his drug problem is my responsibility along with the kids, the house, and the rest of our life.
How does the spouse recover? And what if I really cannot trust him again?